I cant sleep again. It's been duno how many nights le. Can joke ard in front of ppl, smile & laugh. In front of ppl who care I have to pretend i'm happy. I dun wan them to worry. Tony, Fen, Tracy, Louis, Jayce, Ru, Dy have been by my side all tis while. I dun wanna let them down. Only at night like now, when I'm so bothered bout so many stuff, I'm true to myself. I cant lie to myself. Alot of things that I sae I dun care, that I can let go, that I've sorted my thinkin, that I know it's wrong, right now, I feel like takin back my words. Can I, will I, should I, would I even do it? Talk to Louis bout alot of things lately, owaes felt better, but.. I cant help but let my mind wander. Y cant things in life b perfect? Y cant I have things e way I wan it to b? Y do I have to meet ppl that I shouldnt? Y must God let me go through all tis? Have been prayin to Him lately, hopin He'll gif me e strength to understand His plans for me. But I cant hear Him. I have so much to worry about. School, petshop, him, they, us. Yet I'm afraid if I dun do tis, things will change, if I continue to like this, I'll get hurt, I wonder how he's doin, even though he hurt me. Y I so stupid. I wonder if things will change? If I can make a difference? If I try.. Mayb?? I'm afraid to tink that way. I'm reali scare. I'm all alone. There's so much I feel but I dun dare to sae. Not even here. Y I so failure? I cant even keep my love ones. Mum keep askin me to get rid of Ace. I feel so useless. I cant even fend for my son. Felt like dying. I cant breath. There's nothing much I look forward to anymore. Even my fantasies have been destroyed. I'm left wif nothing but myself. OMG!!! Can someone show me e light??